The Science of Love

I've heard this before, but there was an interesting video that gave a brief synposis on the science behind "love", so I thought I'd share. As I understand it, scientists have been able to classify three different types of chemical reactions / brain activity which they associate with three different types of desire: sexual desire, "romantic love", and "attachment."

I find this to be a very appealing explanation because it makes so much sense. I've wondered from time to time about it myself - I can remember what it was like to have all the symptoms of a "crush" . . . feeling like my heart literally skipped a beat when my crush came around, and being all intensely aware of his physical nearness, and to fixate on him, etc. But in a long term relationship all of that slowly goes away. In it's place there is something at least equally wonderful, which is a certain sense of security and safeness and a great deal of comfort in being physically close to someone. But it's weird, because that security, safeness, and comfort are the exact opposite sensations to what I would get when I was "crushing" on somebody.

And let's face it, sometimes the "crushing" part and all the flirting that went with it was a lot of fun!! But I always wondered why did all those symptoms of a crush go away.

It turns out that the two scenarios I am describing relate to what some scientists are referencing as "romantic love" which is really just a series of chemical reactions bound to wear out in 18 months or so (that figure I'm remembering from somewhere else) while attachment is the more long lasting, love-of-a-lifetime bond. And though the video is not explicit on this, it would seem to suggest that attachment is less about those automatic chemical reactions firing in your brain (like "romantic love" in their terminology) and more about something more akin to the mental reasoning parts of our brain. (Let's not get into the whole everything-is-a-chemical-reaction debate here, my lingo is not sophisticated enough on this point to be as precise as I'd like so don't catch me on it! :-) )

Anyway, all that is in many ways sort of a "well duh" finding for people who've gotten a good grounding on what it takes to make a marraige last a lifetime, because w/o the science behind it, I think the conclusions about the first infatuation versus life long love are already well-established (though not well followed.) But it's kind of cool to see science parralleling it.

Besides, maybe this is an explanation for all those Hollywood romances falling to the wayside - once they pass that "romantic love" stage they just throw in the towl!

This is where I wish I was. Sort of.

But I am really excited about my Chinese; I've been meeting very regularly with my Taiwanese friend who is helping me practice. It is still frustrating that I have good Chinese days and bad days, but I have bitten the bullet and signed up for a Chinese class for next semester. At least, I think I added it. I'm a little fuzzy on how the just the facts works, since we don't use it for law school courses, and consequently I haven't messed with it in several years.

Anyway, despite all indications that my life is heading in a different direction, I just can't give this part up yet. I'm taking a course on Chinese Business Transactions that's all about international businesses in China, and it really gets me excited. A young partner at one of the upstate firms I interviewed with was selling me this pipe dream that they were getting ready to add a small international business practice group to their Ithaca office, and they were really interested in my international background. Note, however, that they didn't give me an offer.

But if that happened, and I got a spot with them, I would happily settle in to stay in this area my entire life. Between Rob's great job - he just got a promotion, he loves the people he works with, and this has been his dream job since childhood - and what would be my dream job, and doing it out of the big city in the small vibrant town of Ithaca . . . it would be a package impossible to resist, despite the distance from my family.

But, note that I did describe it as a "pipe dream." I'm skeptical. But wouldn't it be nice?

Over the summer maybe I'll dig out some old textbooks and use them a little more in prep for the Chinese class.