Only a true advocate . . .

Law school sometimes has its pleasures. For instances, judges with a good sense of ironic humor. One of the cases I had to read for Property this week involves the ownership of the baseball with which Bond set his record breaking 73rd home run.

Plaintiff Popov caught the ball, was tackled by a mob who "engaged in violent illegal behavior" and subsequently lost control of the ball. The defendant Hayashi - who plaintiff says bit another guy's leg, but the court says the video tape doesn't support that - picked up the loose ball, and when the crowd was under control, proudly displayed it to the videocamera. Popov saw Hayashi had the ball, expressed relief and grabbed for it. Mr. Hayashi pulled thee ball way.

At this point in the description of the case, the judge put the following footnote: "Defense counsel has attempted to characterize this encounter as one in which Popov congratulates Mr. Hayashi for getting the ball and offers him a high five. This is an argument that only a true advocate could embrace."

LOL!!! Okay, this is probably one of those times that my friend says "but people who aren't in lawschool just don't get the joke," but I was laughing for like two minutes straight at that last sentence. You can just see some old judge looking over the bench going "Nice try, I don't think so."

But yes, I just had to share.

My car looks like Shrek.

I know, that sounds crazy. But I was driving east, the sun low in the sky behind me, and the shadow my car cast looked a lot like Shrek - my side mirrors make perfect Shrek ears.

The drive back to Ithaca was remarkably smooth. I got started very late on Saturday - almost 3pm Central time - because I spent much of Friday and Saturday working on Rob's Valentine's Day gift. We don't generally do big gifts at Valentine's Day, but I had this great idea, couldn't get it ready for Christmas, and don't want to wait for the next gift occassion which is our anniversary in October. So I worked all Saturday morning and didn't get into Dayton until midnight eastern time.

But the driving itself was wonderfully stress free. I got into Apalachin Sunday night and Rob went to rub my shoulders and said "wow, you're surprisingly not tense" because after even a few hours of driving my shoulder muscles are usually rock solid.

My apartment is a mess from all the crud lugged back from Missouri with me, and the clutter in my room I didn't have time to clean before I left for Christmas, and the floors that need to be wiped. It's really beyond the point where even I can tolerate it. And yet, despite having only 3 hours of class this week, I am as usual managing to fill my time so that I feel like "I have no time." It's good though - much of it has been spent socializing. Over Christmas I inherited 4 teacups and saucers, a cream bowl and a sugar bowl of a matching china set from my Grandma Sander. They are really beautiful, and since El and I are both fond of tea (El being absolutely addicted to it I think) I invited her over Monday evening to inaugerate the new set. We talked for hours; it's been a long time since we had a chance to catch up since our schedules rarely mesh and when they do we are often going out on double dates or in groups. In addition to the tea set, I inherited my mom's tea kettle - she took my Grandma's tea kettle, which is twice the size. I brewed the chrysanthemum tea I bought in China four years ago; it was still flavorful.

Today was our first day of class, and I made some progress but not much on my writing assignments. I'm not worried though; it shouldn't be hard to get it done - it's a rewrite and I got an excellent grade on the first draft so rewriting won't be so bad. I socialized a lot today too, standing around the halls catching up with classmates, which was nice - I kind of realized "wow, these friends are closer friends then I thought" when I came back and realized I was very glad to see them again instead of being just mildly pleased. Tonight I went bowling at a CLSA sponsored event, and hung out with a few friends from my section that I haven't gotten a lot of chance to really hang out with, to be honest - we tend to be at the same group functions, and they're interesting people, but I haven't really gotten to know them in depth. So that was good.

And I had extra long workouts in the gym yesterday and today, and I plan on doing it again tomorrow afternoon. I'm really set on losing some weight for real this semester. I'd like to not be embarrassed in a swimsuit. That's probably too hefty a goal for the four months I'll have here, but when I've been on a real workout, I've managed to shave ten pounds in three months or so, so I figure that's a realistic goal. The trick is finding time to keep up w/ the gym.

Anyway, getting to bed at a reasonable hour is another vague goal, less definite than the gym thing, and it's already 12:35, so it's bedtime.

"You have an interesting resume."

Generally speaking, I wouldn't be too thrilled if somebody used the adjective "interesting" in the manner above, since it's often a word that means "I don't know what bad thing to say about it" or "I'm being too polite to say this sucks" so I was kind of concerned the first time I got the above in response to a job application. But it was repeated a few times this week as I was talking with attorneys at different firms, and I think at least most of them actually meant it in a positive way.

I'd managed to delay any concern about the whole job search thing through Christmas, but the day after Christmas it hit with a vengeance, and basically on a whim I spent that entire Monday, well into the evening, and all of the next day as well, reading up on the web about different firms (on dial-up, at that point), writing cover letters and resumes, printing out writing samples, and sending them out. They went out on Tuesday, and to my amazement, on Thursday and Friday I got four responses wanting to set up interviews; on the following Tuesday I got a fifth response. I didn't want to take time away from Rob's visit to interview, so I set them all up for this week. Five interviews in 3 days in St. Louis, then Kansas City, then St. Louis again. Each "interview" was actually 4-5 interviews with different attorneys, so all told I met with ~18 people for a total actual interview time of about 11 hours in 3 days. And I was driving 5 hours each day. UGG!!

So much for the statistics. To sum it up, I have one job offer, two interviews that I felt fairly good about, one that was so-so, and one that was pretty bad. As a sampling of the bad interview, I screwed up the name of the firm and said "Spencer Fane" when I was interviewing at Polsinelli - twice. I caught myself right away and corrected and apologized, but it kind of flustered me. Anyway, the job offer is sort of a mixed bag of good and bad. The good side is it is with a 2 person immigration firm in St. Louis and it sounds like I would be getting incredible experience, since they plan on throwing me right in to writing pleadings and even client contact, if I show the aptitude. The bad side is that it would be unpaid. Mitigating that, Cornell has grants for public interest work; the money is guaranteed as long as you are with a qualifying entity. It's about a quarter of what I would get paid at a larger firm, but it's work I'm interested in. On the other hand, if I landed one of the large firm jobs (the other four interviews) I would be getting about $15-16K for 10 weeks work, which would make a HUGE dent in my credit card bills (especially if I was living with family in St. Louis rent free) . And getting rid of some or all of the credit card debt would mean it would be easier for me to take a public interest job the following summer.

But in the end, I'm not sure how it's all going to work out. I may not get offers from any of these firms; they have very limited 1L spots and are going to be cautious about extending one of them to somebody who has lived out east for 6 years because they want somebody who is going to return to Missouri after graduation.

In fact, for some reason I seem to be having a much more "let it be" attitude toward this job search. I applied to the FBI in D.C. and applied for an internship in Japan; after applying I realized there are some reasons like my sister Andrea being pregnant and due in July and a friend maybe getting married this summer that would make it good for me to be back in MO this summer. But I put a good faith effort into both FBI and Japan and got turned down for both. I wasn't too disappointed - it kind of seemed like it wasn't meant to be, given the afore mentioned reasons for being in MO. For some reason, throughout the application and interview process of the past couple weeks, I've had a very strong sense that this is something to be left in the hands of God, as my mother would say. I'm putting forth my best faith effort to get all these jobs - I'm even writing thank you notes for pete's sakes - and I have this strong sense of trust that when it comes time I'll see my way clearly, and it won't because I only actually ever had one option.

That was the thing that surprised me when I was writing my cover letters. I've always had to BS them before and because I felt like I had nothing concrete to offer but for the first time ever I felt like the skills I have were directly applicable to the job I was applying for, and I could give concrete examples of how I acquired and used them. And it wasn't just stuff from law school by any means, although that was the clinch pin. Going all the way back to my internship in D.C. it seems like all this stuff I've been doing has been preparing me for this.

And on top of that, I got a 3.7 GPA for my first semester of law school. So all told, while I'm not complacent, I'm feeling like I'm on the right track in my life.

Cecelia and her Anti-Dirty-Hippy Lover

"That's how I'm addressing your Christmas card next year - Cecelia and the Dirty Hippy Hater."
~Brandy, laughing at Rob's comment (and the title above was her doing too incidentally)

So this post had to get split into two pieces, since it was so long. This is the personal bit about Rob's visit, and I'll post the career bit about job interviews tomorrow.

Rob came out to visit for a week, and it was a really really great visit, except for not getting enough quality us time. But that wasn't really the purpose of the visit and we both knew it so it was no big deal. He came in the afternoon of the 31st, and we had lunch at my aunt's, dinner with Sister #2 and family, which was very enjoyable, and then went to Brandy and Josh's New Years party. They had a Yankee Swap at the party, although they didn't call it that, where everybody brings a small gift and you pick one from the middle and steal from each other and so on. Rob ended up with a set of Orange County Chopper mugs which he thought was awesome, and I ended up w/ the book Emma, which I thought was great. Rob had been up since 4am Central time, but he gamely agreed to stick it out until Midnight, and performed quite well at Darts. He was up for 20+ hours that day! We stayed at my sister's place that night, had a leisurely morning, and then went to my extended family gathering (Dad's side) which he described as "overwhelming." If he thinks my Dad's family is overwhelming, I'm not sure how he'll survive a full Luth clan gathering! (Mom's side, and it's about 4 times as big.) Still I think he made a fairly good impression, at least on my godfather.

Monday we went to Kansas City with my Mom and Dad and visited the Arabia Steamboat museum, which displayed the cargo of a sunken steamboat five regular joes dug up and turned into a museum. It was pretty interesting, particularly the displays showing how steam engines turned the great paddle wheels. Rob really seemed to enjoy all the big mechanical parts and explained to me how it all worked, which I found interesting too. Then we had dinner w/ Sister #1 and family and a couple cousins that live in the area. While I was busy playing ball w/ my nephew in the kitchen Rob was having very adult conversation with my father and brother-in-law about taxes, which I found quite impressive. Rob really was so much more talkative this trip than he has been in the past when meeting my friends. It seems like he's becoming less shy, actually. Tuesday it was off to St. Louis to see sister #3,and my car broke down and had to have a $600 repair job, which the dealer got done in under 3 hours from the time I dropped the car off until time I had the keys back in my hand - pretty amazing. We stayed at my aunt's and the next day visited the Anheiser Bush Brewery and headed back to Columbia to have dinner w/ a bunch of my highschool friends, which was also just a lot of fun. Rob had Brandy cracking up laughing a lot of the night, which I found to be a particularly good sign, because Brandy tends to expect a lot out of guys that date her friends, and also her political views are the most opposite of Rob's. So if he's up to snuff w/ the toughest critic . . . It was nice to see him blending in so well to the group. Thursday we visited my Grandma, and Dad showed Rob around the farm a bit and explained to him all the different machinary and even let him drive the tractor. That evening we celebrated my birthday early. The next day I drove back to St. Louis (for the third time in a week) to take him to the airport, but we went by the Arch first so he could take some pictures. And that was the whirlwind week.

It's odd how used to being near each other Rob and I have gotten; well not odd, just . . . noticeable. We were only apart for a week, then together a whole week, and we'll be apart for another week before I'm back in Ithaca. NOt really that much separation. But both of us were commenting on how we miss each other - not desperately miserably or anything, it is only temporary and of short duration - but still . . . it will be really nice to be back close together. It was so good though to have him here, fitting so well with this part of my life. It felt very natural. I think this is part of what has been missing for me. We spend so much time in my "other" life, and with his family, in the world where he grew up . . . and it's my world too, now. I realized that more than ever this time home, as I find that I am very slowly, little by little, beginning to identify myself as a "New Yorker" of some sort. I have lived there for the better part of 6 years now - a quarter of my life, and almost all of my adult life. But even though that's my present and my future, at least my immediate future, my Missouri life will always be a big part of me, and everything feels more right when he comes back to share it with me, even for just a bit.

Limericks, poor quality of

I was flipping through the index of my Glannon's civ pro guide, and came across the above quote. He starts each chapter with an original, legal limerick, and in the introduction he apologized for their poor quality. It's nice that the guy has a sense of humor - it made going through the guide a lot easier. Civil Procedure is the only class I "stooped" to using commercial outlines for - but man was it helpful! I feel pretty good about that final, actually. I've felt good about all the finals, but I think I may have managed an A in Civ Pro, because it seems like many many people had a really hard time with that one, so the curve should help me out.

And now I'm just procrastinating from any further studying by writing in my blog and watching Anna and the King. But I suppose I'm going to have to study before too much longer . . .

If it's a musical shouldn't people be able to sing?

So Con law went okay, and it's on to studying for Torts. But for my study break tonight, I decided to rent Grease 2. Yes, Grease 2. It's in the "cult classics" section of Collegetown videos, and is one of the few VHS tapes they have left (they got rid of most of them and just have DVDs). It's one of those movies that proves you should never trust my judgment on movies, because I like good and bad movies equally. ;-) But while I always knew it was a bad movie, I don't think I appreciated just how bad until tonight. For some reason the numerous previous times I watched it, it escaped me that half the characters *can't sing*!! Yikes! Why would you hire a chick to play a Pink Lady in Grease when she couldn't sing?? But nevertheless I still enjoyed it. Granted, I was laughing at a few points where I was supposed to be crying, or at least feeling sympathetic. But hey, that's what I'm looking for in a study break, right? A few good laughs.

I know the original Grease backwards and forwards . . . almost anyway. I was in my high school's musicals every year, and one year, to keep the cast occupied while we weren't onstage, they had Grease playing back in the classroom just off backstage. We played it every night - so much so in fact that we knew when it was time to head to the wings based on what part of Grease we were at. I'm not sure when I saw Grease 2 for the first time, but it definitely doesn't live up to the original in terms of actually quality.

Grease 2 is the reverse story - instead of the bad boy-good girl story of Grease, it's the bad girl good-boy story . . . and strangely, I kind of like it better than Grease, story wise anyway . . . I suppose that's not surprising. Besides, it has motorcylces. In fact motorcycles are a very important part of it.

But let's face it - the real reason why I like this movie so much is that the leading guy is SO DAMN HOT. I mean, we're talking my ideal guy here! He's hot, he's got a cool accent, he's hot, he's smart and really one of the nice guys, but to impress the chic he dresses up in leather and does cool motorcylce stunts. oooh, my dream man! He made my motorcycle page, in fact:

http://www.people.cornell.edu/pages/cs234/motorcycles.html
And look, there's even a fan site . . .
http://www.grease2.net/

The picture in the top of this blog is really the best of Michael Carrington, unfortunately I couldn't make it bigger. He didn't age well though I'm afraid. I looked up the actor one time (carrington is the charater's names - I don't care much about actors mostly just their characters) and saw a recent picture of him. No Sean Connery. But damn, he's fine in that movie. Okay and a final shot . . . pardon Michelle Pfeifer's slutty look . . . credit to the above site.

I walked in the door to my apartment tonight and gave a big contented sigh of "ah, I'm home." And then I thought - wow, that's the first time in awhile I've felt at home again, anywhere, really. I lived in 6 different places in the past 2 years . . . even my parent's house doesn't feel like "home" in the current sense anymore. So it was a bit of a thrill to realize I finally feel like I have a place to be home, again.

It probably helps that Rob and I put up my Christmas tree this weekend. It's a six foot fake tree, and a little worse for the wear of being stuffed in boxes and trucked all over and reassembled - this is the third year I've had it up. But when the rest of the lights are out and it's just the tree it's beautiful - I have only shiny balls on the tree and the most beautiful glass birds on the tree, and they gleam in reflection of the lights on the tree. And I really really like my tree topper - a beautiful angel in a full cranberry red dress. There aren't many ornaments - other than purple and gold ball and the glass hummingbirds, I have one golden glittery star Rob bought me from Mystic Seaport. But it's a beautiful tree.

I bought an advent wreath this year too, which is a nice touch to the season, I think. I'm planning on being in this apartment for at least two years, so I've been a bit more willing to actually buy things for the place, like some fluffy comfy pillows for the futon. The apartment came w/ most of the furniture I need, but there are a few odds and ends I'd like to add, although figuring out where to put them my be hard: a coat rack, and some glass display shelves for the Norman Rockwell plates my sister Kate gave me several Christmas's ago that I have never yet been able to display.

It's so great to have my own place - it's decorated very "me". I finally pulled out the colored wax shadow puppet I bought in China and found a way to display it - AC Moore had frames that are basically two clear pieces of plastic with a black frame around it, "floating frames" I think they call them, so I can put a light behind the puppet when I want to show it off. My tapestries are on the wall, as well as one really aweome picture I took at the Forbidden City and an embrodered painting I bought in a flea market that's really classy, surprisingly. The book shelves are full of my old books from my poli sci classes, and also with all my fiction books from home (the ones I felt like keeping that is), which I finally moved out of my parents house. And I have pictures up on the table and the TV and the shelves. And a magnetic dart board. :-) As usual, my living space is an outward expression of me.

Interestingly enough, my bedroom is pretty sparse. I used to spend so much time decorating my bedroom - but really I spend very little time back there, and I host people in the living room, and I do my work in the living room - basically I live in the living room and sleep in the bedroom. The way it's supposed to be! And the kitchen is set up for me - all the important stuff at Cecelia-accessible heights. :-)

Rob even likes the place, which is saying quite a lot. We had a really good weekend this weekend - went to Hai Hong for dinner, went dancing, had bubble tea w/ Darrick and El, had some "us" time, put up the tree . . . really it almost couldn't be improved. It was the second time we've gone out w/ Darrick and El; the first time was bowling and Rob had a headache and so he barely spoke three sentences the whole night, but Saturday he was feeling fine and was quite sociable; he really liked Darrick and enjoyed the night, which made me really happy. It's one of those things - two girls may be close friends, but when they can go out as couples, it's so much better . . . as El said once, when you're in a relationship it's not always about who you get along w/ one on one but what couple works well with your couple. I'm enjoying playing the hostess at my apartment a lot; I think I may invite them over next weekend too, if they're free.

But I've rambled on about how much I love apartment quite enough. I really would love to host out of towners, although I'll have to find some extra padding for the futon because unfortunately it's a pretty wussy pad. My butt hurts from sitting here typing this. ;-) But I will say, it's a good thing that I told Jason he couldn't come down this weekend as we'd been planning, since he has a date for a Christmas dance that he couldn't have said yes to otherwise. :-)

Everything works out the way it's supposed to, right? I'm feeling very optimistic.

A Scully-wannabe

So this past spring as I was in the process of committing myself to law school I was simultaneously trying to figure out how I could not be a lawyer. I know, pretty bad reasoning. But there it is. I was looking through some info on "alternative legal careers" and it turns out that the FBI hires a lot of J.D.'s. In fact, a lot of special agents are lawyers. In fact, J. Edgar Hooever used to *require* that every special agent be either a lawyer or an accountant. So I look at the FBI website - they have a summer honors intern program.

Fast forward to this fall. I realize in September I should do something about this, and then in the last half of October get myself in gear to meet the Nov. 1 application deadline. Application goes in, I forget all about it.

Tuesday I got a call from the Albany field office. Wednesday I call them back. Today I interviewed with them.

I'm not actually sure how it went, though. it just kind of felt perfunctary, like it didn't matter what answers I gave. They read off the sheet, and they didn't ask any follow up questions to any of my answers. Which would normally be a bad thing - but I didn't get bad vibes, either. And afterwards, after the whole 15 minutes of questions or whatever brief amount of time it was, they said "do you have questions". And since it was 3 women interviewing me, and I felt pretty comfortable, i bit the bullet and asked if the FBI was really an old boys club, and then we just talked about things for awhile - not really that but just opportunities at the FBI, and the special agent telling me how she got to be a special agent, and saying how I was obviously very qualified and my essay was wonderful and a really good piece of writing, and if I didn't do the honors internship I should apply to be a special agent after graduation, and Rob could get a job there too. So that seemed kind of positive to me. And they said Chinese and Arabic were the two languages they needed the most.

In the end, however, it's up to headquarters, not the field office, who gets picked to fill the internship. And even though I have nothing to hide in my background, it weirds me out a little, the idea of having my entire life's history checked up on a scrutinized and put in an FBI file. As Rob pointed out, they could do that anyway, but the point is by trying to work for them I'm putting myself on their radar screen. It's kind of weird.

And in any case, there's another really exciting summer opportunity tantalizing me. Cornell Law just decided to offer a 3 week summer program in China. 3 weeks is extremely short, but on the other hand, it's late in the summer so that we can 6-8 weeks to do something else before going to China, like work for a non-profit or whatever. The program sounds really interesting, and I'd love to get back to China - it's in Suzhou, about an hour from Shanghai, and so in a part of the country I didn't see the last time. And I desperately want to brush up on my Chinese skills. I miss speaking Chinese, and I really would love to get fluent. That's never going to happen unless I spend more time there. Now granted, 3 weeks isn't going to help much on that front, but it is perhaps better than nothing.

So we'll see.

Shop Talk

One thing that strikes me is how much of the civil procedure is set out to try to avoid the technicalities and the falling down because of bad counsel or the more agile performer. The popular perception is that the person w/ the best lawyer wins, or, following from there, the person with the most money wins.

I'm not denying that completely - but it's worth noting that it used to be WORSE. The Federal Rules of Civil Procedure were adopted in the 1930s to replace what was by all accounts a very messy and complicated, common law system. Common law still exists - torts for example seems to draw heavily on common law - but its' *procedures* have been replaced with uniform ones. And many of the modern procedures are more lenient than the old common law ones, providing that a case is more likely to be judged on its merits than on technicalities - at least more likely than it was under common law. So the ability to amend your pleadings for instance insures that relevant issues which come up late in the trial aren't excluded from consideration simply because they weren't in the original pleadings, as would have been the case under old common law procedures.

There's also changes that seem basically aimed at providing safeguards for the client in regards to the skills of their attorney.

For instance, a major break in the FRCP from the common law is the extensive discovery stage that takes place pre-trial. This sets up procedures whereby opposing parties have to share certain information with each other and get a chance to question each other. This allows you to get a good idea what the other side is going to throw at you and prepare for it. Under the old common law system where no such discovery stage existed it was very possible that you might get a "surprise witness" thrown at you (which btw makes me think that the whole melodramatic surprise witness coming in and cyncying the case that you see on TV is bogus because normally you have to provide an exclusive list of witness beforehand . . if you want to add one you have to notify the opposing counsel. But maybe there's some provision we haven't encountered yet that allows for the surprise witness.) Anyway the point is under common law it was far more likely that you might get a surprise witness thrown at you, or some piece of evidence you weren't prepared to deal with, and consequently you'd lose your case not because you *couldn't* have defended against it, given time, but because you simply didn't have the resources at hand to contest it or you weren't thinking right because you were off-guard. In other words, theoretically under the current FRCP system, assuming some minimal level of ability to adequately present your case orally to the judge,being a good researcher is more of an advantage than being a fantastic speaker. And all in all I think that's a better situation. Because after all I'd rather have a case decided by really digging into the merits of the facts and the application of the law then because somebody happened to be really good at tripping up their opponent.

Now that's not to say being a persuasive speaker and quick thinker aren't valued under the current system. They are. But I'm just pointing out that in modern years they've tried to introduce some safeguards into the system to prevent it from being as bad as it was.

In the Car??

So I really enjoyed the Fall ball, but Rob hated it. I can't blame him too much; he hates loud music, he didn't know anybody, it was hard to get to know anybody when the music was so loud, and besides we were there for close to an hour and a half before most of my friends showed up. However, I often feel like I have to leave dances and events sooner than I would otherwise, because Rob wants to leave, and so I just decided that night I was going to stay. I gave him the keys, told him to go home, and that I would get a ride home myself from one of the other students or on the buses that the lawschool was running between the hotel (out on Triphammer) and the law school. I thought that seemed like a reasonable compromise - he could go home and sleep, which is what he wanted to do, and I could stay at the party, which is what I wanted to do, and so we'd both be happier.

I suppose that might sound weird to some people, but after all, it's not like past years where we had to treasure every second together because we only saw each other on the weekends. We're close enough we see each other pretty often, and if anything Rob is more likely than me to say how it's not such a big deal if we don't "make the most of every second" together because we do see each other at least 4 days out of the week. So I didn't think it was so ridiculous or callous to suggest that he go home and I stay at the dance.

Rob insisted however that he come back to pick me up rather than me get a ride from someone else. So when 1am rolls around and Rob comes to get me, I find out that he spent an the time - over an hour - sitting outside in the car instead of going home!! He said that since it took him 20 minutes to get back to my apartment and then 20 minutes to get back to the dance he'd only be home for 20 minutes, so he just decided it wasn't worth it.

I think actually he was underestimating the amount of time - I think it was closer to 11:30 when he left, not midnight, so that he had closer to an hour and a half of lapse time rather than just an hour. But no one can be sure. I'm also not convinced it would be 20 minutes back to my apartment on State street from Triphammer. At that time of night, although there's a lot of people out and about, most of them aren't in cars cuz they're drinking. I think it would have been more like 10-15 minutes to get home. But I could be wrong.

But all that aside, needless to say he was pretty grumpy and feeling pretty neglected by that point. I felt bad for him but I wasn't at all inclined to feel guilty because I thought his decision to sit in the car was dumb- and I would never have stayed at the dance if he had told me that is what he was going to do. He claimed that he wasn't grumpy because of the sitting in the car, but that while at the dance he felt unimportant, because I should have been making more of an effort to include him in conversation. I replied that the fact that I was introducing him to every single person from my section I ran into "Hey this is my boyfriend Rob!" Would indicate that he was important, although he felt like I was showing off. I also said that he left just as things were getting started, really - I had a number of conversations w/ people afterward which if he'd been around I think he could have joined in, but he wasn't there. You know how it is at parties - takes a little time for people to mill around and get settled before they want to start actually visiting at all. Nobody wants to be cornered the first second they walk in and tied down to a conversation.

But given that we were at the dance for so long before the rest of my section showed, up, his desire to leave when he did wasn't so out there. The dance supposedly started at 9pm; we showed up at 9:45 or a little before. People from my section didn't start arriving until 10:30 or 11pm. So when Rob left at around 11:45pm, he'd already been there a good couple hours.

But, I repeat, after he left, and before I found out he was just sitting in the car, I had a blast. Just lots and lots of dancing - not the swing kind, of course. But it was great to cut loose a little, and hang out with my section friends in another context.

[and yes I'm back dating this post.]

Tonight was a good night. It started out a bit slow; weeks ago I had planned to go see Whoopi Goldberg with some friends from my section, but I thought Rob and I were going to be doing some swing dancing tonight, so I gave up my ticket early on. But that never panned out - the Fall Ball, or the lawschool semi-formal, is tomorrow; and Rob had a really hectic week at work, and I had a really hectic week academcially. What between the usual class load, and finishing up an internship application, and trying to fix my cd Drive which has started malfunctioning since I installed the Securexam on it that I had to install to take my tests on my laptop, and taking the practice exam, it's been a long week. So Rob and I decided we'd each take a night to recuperate.

For Rob of course that means something low key. I was a bit on the edge though - I kind of felt like I should take the opportunity to catch up w/ Ellan / Janine / Patti / Renee whom I haven't seen or talked with pretty much at all the past couple weeks since I took my fall break road trip. I've just been so busy. But I couldn't get ahold of any of them. Finally I remember that there was supposed to be a free swing dance at WSH tonight; it's a Lindy workshop weekend so there are some good dancers in town, too. So I headed up there.

I'm really growing by leaps and bounds as a dancer this semester, I think. It helps to be back in a place where there are so many opportunities, and it helps to go to these dances sans-Rob so that I'm forced to dance w/ a lot of different leaders. I still have a long way to go - although I've improved drastically I have a nagging feeling I'm still too heavy a follower (referring to the amount of pressure in the connection not body weight) and I don't always get my feet in the right place when the leaders try to do some of the trickier things. Still, I'm finding that I've really mastered a certain skill level, and it's time to kick it up a notch. The best way to do that is to dance with the really good guys - and most of the leaders at the weekly swing dances don't qualify. So tonight was a nice change of pace. I was even asked to dance by Peter Strom, the guest teacher and national champion they brought in this weekend. To be fair, it was a small dance (there was a competing ballroom event tonight and the workshops don't start until tomorrow), and he seemed to be making an effort to be fairly social - some of the teachers they bring in are a bit of dance elitists and only dance with the one or two girls who are at their level. Still, he didn't dance with every girl or even all that many dances, percentage wise, so it's nice to know that I've passed over that bar under which you're not even worth noticing. It's a step. :-) And at the end of the dance he said "That was awesome!" although I wouldn't read too much into that . . . maybe that's what he says when he means "I'm never going to dance with you again!"

However there was one guy in particular that I just felt really well matched with. He was a bit of a heavy set young man but extremely into the music and an extremely easy to follow leader. A lot of the moves and the styles that you see in swing (especially six count) depend on the hands for the connection in swing - I mean all points of connection are important but simply because of the nature of the moves the hands and arm to arm connection are the biggest leads. Lindy Hop theoretically should be led much more through the back but somehow even your better leaders often end up leading mostly through the arms and hands simply because of the moves they are doing. It's less common to find someone who leads through the back the way this guy did - i.e. the main point of connection is his hand on my back.

In other words, he did a lot of Charleston variations. That can often turn out very poorly, partly because I suck at some of the more complicated variations (I cannot for the life of me do a walk-around) but also because Charleston is an even more limited universe than just say Lindy Hop. But once in awhile you get somebody like this who really knows how to dance Charleston as a dance rather than as a single move with slight variations. How do I describe this? Most people reading this are familiar w/Charleston as this eight count kick move. But from there, via the face to face Charleston (or other methods), you can sort of move off into this realm of gliding . . . It's almost like a two count move, you're just stepping around the dance floor, with abrupt stops to emphasize certain points of the music, and then just a lot of improve foot / leg work - which actually is one of my strengths. At that point you're not really doing any specific footwork or any specific move, although at any point you can seamlessly flow back into a more structured moves. But it's a type of free movement that's recognizably swing or jazz, and that stays w/in the Lindy structure. Doesn't sound very graceful when I describe it like that, but trust me, when it's done right it manages to be both graceful and sassy, while really playing off the music.

Anyway I'm babbling about dancing again. The point is I enjoyed the dance a lot, and I can really tell that I'm improving. And boy did I get a workout! Oiye, I was so out of breath and sweaty and tired at the end!

As I left WSH the clocktower was lit up orange with a pumpkin face on it, as it has been all week. It felt nice outside after the heat of the dance room, so I walked on the Arts quad a little, feeling nostalgic and yet alive at the same time. And I stood at the top of Libe Slope and looked over the valley for a bit. And for the first time in a long time, I felt perfectly content.

And now I'm enjoying my Zima, getting ready to watch Beetlejuice, before finally going off to sleep about oh two am. I bought a six pack of Zima three weeks ago, went through two in two nights, and then haven't been able to drink one since then because I'm soo busy all day and through the evening that I can't just chill and drink one. But tonight I can even though It means I'm going to be up really late.

A Lawyer or a Lance - Your Choice

I read an opinion piece today that had a good point, so I wanted to share it, in defense of my chosen profession. :-)

[The article begins by remarking on the dread a lawyer might feel at a party when someone asks that unavoidable question, "So what do you do."] In case you couldn't guess, lawyers, along with anoyone else who introduces themselves as a murderer, devil-worshipper or terrorist, are often on the receiving end of the negative label described above. . . . Can lawyers really be this bad? I maintain that lawyers are really no worse than other vocation.

[ The article then reminds us that businessmen and accountants are responsible for major corporate scandals, plenty of doctors make money by pedaling to people's vanity, computer engineers and scientists have created "a world of less human interaction and easier access to porn" and priests are the face of child molestation today. It then goes on to speculate why then lawyers are the ones w/ the really bad rep.]

"The core reason could be that whenever an atrocity is committed, the public sees the lawyer front and center answering questions in place of the accused. Even though we might not ourselves commit the appalling act, we are seen as somehow justifying it, as though carrying out our duty to represent our client to the best of our abilities makes us co-conspirators. . . . Until we as a society can come up with a better means to settle our disputes, or possibly regain the medieval affinity for jousting, utilizing attorneys will remain the most effective method to do the job.

Which reminds me, incidentally, of the 1L whose food was stolen out of the communal fridge a few weeks ago. He sent out an email over the student list serve, demanding satisfaction either by returning the food or by pistols at dawn - and cited the entire ancient English code for how such duals should be conducted. Just in case the thief didn't have the code memorized off hand, you know.

And yes, I know a few of you are going to tell me that you'd prefer the lance.

Motorcycles are for going on picnics.

Activity was exactly what I needed to escape despondency - at least for a little while. Dread and uncertainty are never buried too deep, but as long as I can keep active I can stave off despair.

So Pattie, El, some of El's ballroom friends and I all went bowling last night. It was really a lot of fun, despite the fact that I scored my worst three games in months: 99, 100, and 82. HNH was actually pretty crowded; I guess since everything else is shut down on campus for fall break the bowling alley became the default place to be. El and I played our individual bowling alley staples: Glory Days, I Can't Dance for me, and Uptown Girl and The Champions for El. I was kind of hungry, but it wasn't until about 10pm that it occurred to me that I hadn't eaten dinner. I had had a pretty late lunch. So Patti El and I went up to East Hill and got some wings and drinks to take back to my place, and Janine came over. It's the first time the four of us have hung out since before classes started, so we did a little catching up, and yes a little talking about boys, and a little gossiping. El was telling us about her multi-talented new boyfriend Darren, (incidentally, can I just give myself a little pat on the back for introducing them? ;-) ) who wants to get a motorcycle. We were kind of laughing at the image of El being a biker chic, and then we were talking about how dangerous motorcycles are. And El pipes up "But you use them to go on picnics." The rest of us were just craking up, like WTF? Imagine this big biker dude on his Hawg, all dressed in leather - with a picnic basket?! El said "That's what Darren said. I was noticing the satchels and he said yes, just big enough to put a picnic lunch and a bottle of champagne and you. And we'll go have a picnic." LOL

We hung out for a couple hours and then called it a night. I managed to just barely get 8 hours of sleep and still wake up in time to make the 10am Mass. Afterward I popped over to the lawschool and settled in to work on my Torts outline. The whole time I was in the library there was exactly one other person there. It was kind of nice to feel like the whole place was deserted, actually. I get a lot more work done in the library than at home, and even more so when I'm the only one in the place. I put in about 4 hours on the Torts outline, really making good progress on it. The review is immensely helpful, too, in getting a grasp on the material. Once I finish outlining the first segment of Torts, I need to do some hypos on it. (Hypotheticals - word problems like those that show up on exams.)

And I even got to the gym today, although for only 40 minutes. So I've kept myself pleasantly busy - I even enjoyed working on the Torts outline, because I wasn't doing it under a deadline and so had the pleasure of feeling like I was being a good little student and getting ahead, and because I actually felt like it was a really useful exercising and it's nice when you feel like you're understanding something.

It is fall break though, so I have a movie rented (Crash) and I'm going to break out another bottle of Zima, and watch a LOST episode, and maybe organize my state quarter collection and do a little embroidery while I veg in front of the TV. Well I guess that's not vegging, huh if I'm doing other stuff while watching?

Well the point is it's going to be a relaxing evening. Rob stopped by for a little while on the way up from the lake, but he's headed home and the rest of the evening is mine.

And yes, I realize that I just admitted I have a state quarter collection.

Break out the sparkly purple bowling ball and the Riesling

So all the first year law students left town like bats out of hell yesterday, along with the rest of the campus. Cornell is starting fall break, and the law school actually gives us a whole week off. But I'm going to be hanging out in Ithaca for awhile; later in the week I'll be road tripping down to Philly and Baltimore to see Tom, Katie, and Jason, but last night Rob and I celebrated our third anniversary. (It was actually Tuesday but this was when we were free.) We ate at the Aurora Inn - a very classy place, with some excellent live jazz music. When we returned home we discovered to our great amusement that we had gotten each other the exact same gift - a massage session! We even went about it the exact same way: tried out the Fingerlakes School of Massage, and not finding any info on their website, tried "massage" on yp.yahoo.com, and then scrolled down to the one place that had a website, checked it out, and decided that was the place! We finished the night off by going to see Wallace and Gromit. It was really funny. The tomatomaster even rated it 100% - which is amazing, since most movies fall into the "rotten" category. So all in all, I laughed more last night than I have in quite awhile.

All in all though it wasn't the anniversary celebration that I'd been hoping for, since I'd managed to get my hopes up that he'd finally pop the big question. Since I'm utterly incapable of hiding what I'm feeling, at least from the people I really care about, I brought the subject up with him this morning. *sigh* And after that discussion, I'm feeling miserable and hopeless, because it seems like we're not closer to getting engaged now than we were a year ago. It seems that every time we pass one hurdle he comes up with some other reason why he's not ready yet. Some people don't care about the marraige thing . . . and it's not that I want to be married in general. I am hopeless, desperately in love with him, and I can't even describe how desperately I want us to make that commitment to each other. And he says he feels essentially the same way about me, can't imagine life without me and he loves me so much and knows he wants to marry me eventually and so on and so on - but he's not ready to get married. And I'm prolonging my own misery by pushing him on the issue . . . but it's incredibly hard to keep waiting and waiting when I don't understand why I'm waiting, don't know what he's thinking or feeling. It's like my life is on hold - and has been on hold for two years already, and it's killing me inside. And now I can't stand still anymore. In another month or so I'm going to be starting the search for a job next summer. It's time that I start making plans and actually implementing them . . . start getting on with living my life. But those decisions about what I'm doing in the next stage of my life necessarily are affected by him, and yet he's got us in this holding pattern. So my emotions are hoavering in some twilight zone between desperation and despair.

But that's not healthy, there's no doubt about that. So I called up the girls tonight and we're going bowling, and then we're going to come back and crack open a bottle of my favorite Riesling, and I'm not going to talk about him - despite the fact that Janine and Patti and El are exactly the people I would talk about relationship stuff with. because I can't handle it. Somehow I have to pretend for tonight at least that he doesn't exist, and re-establish myself. I'm giving up on him, just a little bit. Oh I'm not breaking up with him. I'm desperately hopelessly in love with him. But this weekend, something broke inside. I haven't been desperate before. But after that talk, when it seemed like we're as far away as ever from taking the next step, I'm desperate. And the only way I know how to deal with this pain is to bury myself in my work, my friends, anything and everything except him. Pretend he doesn't exist, just a little bit. I have to reclaim my life, a life where he doesn't exist and doesn't matter, because that's the only way I know how to stop feeling so miserable.

I warned him that I couldn't wait forever. I can't do it. It's not in my nature to stand still.

So I'm going bowling. Break out the sparkly purple bowling ball. Watch a movie with the girls - not a chick flick, because I've had my fill of romance for the weekend. Drink some Dr. Frank. Bury myself in tort review tomorrow. Watch the rest of my LOST dvd's. Go the gym. Take a roadtrip. Anything but feel like this.

Who says Americans don't take their food seriously? At least New Englanders do . . .

and what does it say about me that reading this case made me laugh out loud and want to share with others?

Webster v Blue Ship Tea Room
MA Supreme 1964
[summary in my own words]

A native New England woman ate fish chowder in a "quaint" Boston restaurant. She got a fishbone stuck in her through and suffered "not insubstantial" injury. She sued, saying that the Uniform Commercial Codes provisions on implied warranty meant that there were not supposed to be fishbones in her chowder.

The defendant's lawyers asked the court to dismiss the case, saying "In so ruling the court will not only uphold its repuation for legal knowledge and acumen, but will, as loyal sons of Massachusetts, save our world renowned fish chowder from degenerating into an insipd broth containing the mere essence of its former stature as a culinary masterpiece."

The court responded, "Not withstanding these passionate entreaties we are bound to examine with detachment the nature of fish chowder and what might happen to it under varying interpretations of the UCC." All the same, the court seems to have taken their words to heart, describing the ancient roots of chowder (both the word itself and the food) in Brittany, Newfoundland, and New England. It then recited various recipes, starting back in 19th century cookbooks, and progressing to modern cookbooks, including "the all embracing Fannie Farmer" who explicitly indicates that bones should be put into the chowder. The court summarizes,

"Thus, we consider a dish which for many long years, if well made, has been made generally as outlined above. It is not too much to say that a person sitting down in a New England to consume a good New England fish chosder embarks on a gustatory adventure which may entail the removal of some fish bones from his bowl as he proceeds. We are not inclined to tamper with age old recipes by any amendment reflecting the plaintiff's view of the effect of the Unifrom Commercial Code upon them. . . . We should be prepared to cope with the hazards of fish bones, the occasional presence of which in chowders is, it seems to us, to be anticipated, and which in the light of a hallowed tradition do not impair their fitness or merchantability."
(emphasis added.)

The court concluded by saying that not only did courts in California, another coastal state, hold the same, but that even an Ohio case held that someone eating oysters should be expected to look out for pieces of oyster shells. "Thus, while we sympathize with the plaintiff who has suffered a peculiarly New England injury, the order must be exceptions sustained."
(In other words, defendant's appeal upheld.)

I decided this needed it's own special section.


And speaking of things I can't stomach (Alias discussion coming up so i fyou haven't watched the premiere and want to be surprised read no further) WHAT THE HELL were they thinking, killing off Vaughn?????? WTF? There's some discussion on the fan boards that perhaps he's not really dead - Matt in fact was trying to make the same argument to me, and Matt doesn't even like the character - but I think that's just wishful thinking on a lot of fans parts. I think he's dead and gone. I'll be happy to be proved wrong, of course.

But this leads to another gripe - why is it that the strong females in a series never get their men? Dark Angel, for instance . . . sure they were sort of together in the end, but considering they still couldn't have any physical contact w/ each other due to the deadly virus thing, that barely counts. Buffy the Vampire Slayer: after a slew of guys that never worked out, the only guy that might have possibly kind of worked out kills himself for her, and yes, again, she's left w/o her love. (and yes, this means I've finally been moved over into the Spike camp, after a long hold out for Angel . . . but just barely.) Alias: they freaking killed her fiance in the series premiere. They killed her old flame in season 2. They put Will into witness protection never to be contacted again. They freaking KILLED VAUGHN.

I mean, I get the whole "These are strong women, they don't need men" argument, but come on. I flatly reject the argument that being a strong woman can't go hand in hand w/ having a man. Sure, there are some guys (read a lot of guys) that get turned off by strong female personalities. especially in the younger years. Once people grow up I think men go for it a little more. But in highschool? Hell no. But puh-lease, after all the crap they put these gals through just so they can have them show off their hot figures while ass-kicking, you'd think they'd let them have this happiness in their lives!

*sigh* yes yes, I know they're just TV shows. But it's late at night and you know how I get when I start ranting. ;-)

I am bored out of my mind.

I mean, the classes are interesting enough. And I certainly spend my weekends being social. Nevertheless, I am BORED OUT OF MY MIND.

I realized this laying in bed last night. It's probably because all I do is go to class, go to the library, come home cook / clean (which is actually a welcome break from all the reading) and watch some TV when I decide I just really need some break. Or more specifically, movies and shows I have on DVD, because I don't have cable. This Sunday was a rainy Sunday, and Rob and I were just curled up on the couch, and it would have been really nice to turn on some football. We watched Alias instead, which is fine. But football would at least be connection to the outside world.

AHHHHH.

And the thing is it's not like I don't have any free time. Rob seems to think I have more free time than in undergrad. That's definitely not true. However in fairness, I have managed to not be drowning in work.

But all the same I am soooooooo freaking bored . . . . . this provides a strong incentive to go *somewhere* and do *something* on Fall break.

Arrogant ASS

So my mom has had a bad summer: gall bladders surgery, severly pulled hamstring resulting in limp, arm so broken it required surgery, 50% crop failure, and most recently a car crash totalling the van. My uncle Greg, the vehement hot head liberal who daily sends out emails to the entire family discussing why Bush and religious fanatics are ruining the country, sent this response to the family:

"Therese
It seems that God has decided that you and all the folks on the Alabama,
Mississippi, Louyisiana, and Texas Gulf coast should personally pay the
price for the conservative supreme court that this summer has brought to
the land. I suppose that one should consider it quite an honor to be
chosen to bear such a burden for such a cause. Of course it could also
be a gentle reminder from on high that we have neglected the problems of
poverty, engergy, and the environment for far too long.
Let us hope the price is well and truly paid and the message taken to
heart.
Love Greg"

I'm pretty protective of my family, and really I just wanted to cuss him out, but instead I sent this reply.

"Your "joke" was in extremely poor taste Greg. Everybody has their political views but you're completely across the line of decency when you start using other people's personal suffering as an opportunity for cheap shots on political issues.
And I can't emphasize enough the word "extremely.' "

Anybody who knows me knows that was a pretty damn reserved response on my part! What I really wanted to do was cuss him out. He replied with this:

"You take yourself much too seriously. I was not making fun of anyone's beliefs. Who are you to say your mother is not paying a price to save us all? Lighten up. Otherwise you'll age prematurely. "

Which of course only pisses me off farther. What a condescending ASS!!!! Tom suggested first responding something along the lines of "you are a worthless human being", which he then expanded to the following:


---Knight: There. Not bad for a one-and-a-half Control Crises effort.
(22:22:09) ---Knight: "I cannot believe what an ignorant fool you really are. Frankly, I've long hoped that you weren't this much of an idiot, because it embarrasses me to think that my own grandparents might have managed to produce you. The next time I'm in Moberly, I'm going to the town hall in the desperate hope of finding evidence that you're adopted."
(22:22:16) ---Knight: "The most regrettable part of this is your complete and total lack of vision. Setting aside the fact that there are voters of all stripes in every part of the country, your cheerful willingness to see those who don't share your beliefs sacrificed makes you no better than the "conservatives" you claim to despise. It's painfully obvious to anyone looking that what you really are is an angry, frightened child who is afraid of the wind and thunder, and is glad that it's hitting someone else."
(22:22:23) ---Knight: "Don't worry, Uncle _____, the adults are going to keep you safe. You could contribute though, by giving every ounce of food you eat, every drop of liquid you drink, and every molecule of air you breathe. Better people than you could use it."


Of course, sending out that response only means that this uncle will continue to pick on me to no end at family reunions, and while I'm certainly capable of defending myself I hardly want to have to spend all my time playing verbal war games w/ this asshole uncle.

So the actual response was far more tame and less satisfying - but probably a better strategic move:

"Do you honestly think that somebody in the position my parents are in - or the people whose lives were destroyed in the hurricane - would find your joke funny? If you were trying to cheer Mom up, there are far more appropriate ways to go about it. You know, maybe a word of comfort, or a reminder that hey at least you've got this good thing going for you, or a tasteful, non-political joke.
I didn't say you were making fun of anyone's beliefs. I'm merely suggesting that if you focused on what would make the primary recepient feel better, instead of focusing on your personal agenda, you would have responded differently.
Aren't liberals supposed to be the truly compassionate ones?"

But I just had to vent by declaring to the whole world what an ASS this uncle is.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

I went to the "last chance" Mass tonight - the 9:30pm mass, so called because it's your last chance to fulfill your Sunday obligation to attend Mass. They hold it in Sage Chapel. I was told it's the most popular Mass, and I can see why. Not only is it the last chance, but the late evening format works well for a lot of students who don't want to get up early enough for the morning mass or don't want to cut up their study day (which really doesn't start until noon, probably) by going to the 5:15 Mass. Plus Sage is a wonderful place to celebrate it - you feel like you're in a real church, as opposed to Anabel taylor auditorium. And because there's so much more room in Sage, I actually saw quite a lot of students hanging around after mass chatting, (building community) as opposed to just sort of shuffling out of AT Auditorium so you aren't blocking the path of those behind you.

So it was nice just for those reason. The homily tonight was on forgiveness. Part of what he was talking about was how pyschology points out that the act of forgiveness is a liberating act. This is by no means "news to me", certainly this aspect of forgiveness popped up in some of those gradeschool Religion classes, but it somehow crystalized something for me that I've been becoming aware of for a little while now.

When I was young it was easy to love unselfishly and unconditionally, to forgive the foibles and weakenesses of those around me, and to feel forgiven in turn for my own foibles and weaknesses. That's just sort of the way children are - and I think to a large extent I managed to hold onto that for quite a long time. But in the past 6-8 years I think it's disappeared. The longer you live the more crap happens - not even major, Oprah Winfrey worthy crap, but just the every day stuff that builds and builds . . . and then add to that the relationships that sour (both the friendships and the romantic ones) . . . and the disappointment when the people around you fail you in some way, or simply fail to live up to expectations . . . and the struggle to figure out if the problem is you or other people or circumstances. And if you're lucky you manage to let go a little bit, to not remember every little incident where someone hurt you, or you did something wrong - because holding on that tightly drives you bonkers, suicidal, or homicedal. But even if you manage to mostly let go of things, it builds up not just a hard outer shell, but a cynical strain of self-interest that makes it incredibly difficult to love unselfishly and unconditionally.

And of course when I say "you" I mean "I."

So when Fr. Bob was talking about the liberating nature of forgiveness tonight I was thinking how that doesn't just mean forgiving particular acts where you felt somebody wronged you, but also letting go of that cynicism and hurt and selfishness that's built up over the years. In a way I suppose it's fear that makes us hold so tightly to those things - we think our cynicism and self-interest is what protects us from getting hurt again.

And yet in the end, I think all it does is cause a different kind of pain, one we inflict on ourselves when we close ourselves off to the possibilities of joy, love, and happiness around us.

Because those possibilities are there, no matter how dark the time seems. One thing that I've never lost in all these years of ups and downs is my rock-solid belief that our lives are what we make of them. It's a given that there are factors we can't control - but what makes the difference is what you do about the factors you can control, and the attitude you bring to the matter at hand. Letting go of that hard shell that's built up over the years, liberating yourself from the fear that's keeping you closed off, means you can be open to finding the unexpected and unplanned.

"If you and Tom ever have to argue against each other in court, let me know. I want to bring popcorn." ~Matt D

So in my excitement babbling about swing dancing, I forgot to mention a rather important event: my first being-grilled-Socratically experience. In Summers class no less . . . so much for wishing I could avoid it! At least Holden-Smith makes an effort to get students to the right answer by asking them a series of leading questions, when they don't get it right off the bat. Summers on the other hand, attempts to make you second guess yourself even if you do have the right answer, and cuts you off, and can be rather difficult to understand the words he's saying much less the meaning. But all in all it wasn't too horrible - not too great either, since I think at least 1/2 the answers I gave him were in some way wrong or lacking. It's weird too - I really understood the case coming into class, but I understood more in a synthesizing it, general sense, (we learned this principle from this case, and the case shows it in this way . . . ) and he was asking questions with very specific answers.

I managed however to at least speak clearly and audibly and with some amount of confidence most of the time - the last question he asked, I didn't really have time to think about (because he wants immediate answers not considered ones), and since it was yes or no I said, "No, because - " and was cut off by "Anyone disagree with her?" I think I actually could have defended the "no" answer, but it doesn't bother me too much that I can't because the exams are blind-graded anyway. My only point in relating that part was in saying that I just decided to pick an answer and go at it confidently, rather than trying to figure out what I actually thought. And while that didn't produce the answer he wanted, it did at least make me not seem like a fool to the rest of the class, I guess.

I definitely wished I had performed better, but I wasn't really too shaken up by the whole thing either. It kind of was inevitable, so although I definitely had an increased heart rate when suddenly I heard the bark "Ms. Sander!" that meant "you're on, sucker" I felt like I came out of it fairly unscathed. Despite the numerous incorrect answers I apparently gave, a number of people told me afterward "You did a really good job" which just goes to show, I suppose, that it doesn't matter so much what you say as how you say it.

[btw, cuz someone asked, this is the Socratic method is one in which means the professor conducts the class not as a lecture but as a series of questions, and in strict Socratic form often doesn't tell you if an answer is right or wrong, and usually cold-calls various people off their list and then proceeds to ask questions only of that person for either the whole class period, if they're really mean, or for a part of a class period in which you are discussing one particular subject - and they'll move on to a new victim for the next subject.]